1.      Kugira ubwoba bukabije cyangwa igihunga. Umuntu agira impungenge zikomeye iyo atekereje ku kwiyemeza kurushinga cyangwa kwinjira mu mubano w’igihe kirekire.

2.      Guhungira kure urukundo rw’igihe kirekire. Umuntu ahora yirinda gutangira cyangwa gukomeza umubano ushobora kuganisha ku rushako, cyangwa akumva ko gukundana atari ibye.

3.      Guhorana gushidikanya no gutinya ahazaza h’urushako rwe. Guhora wibaza niba umubano urimo uzarangira neza, niba uwo muri kumwe azakubera umuhemu, cyangwa niba muzabana akaramata.

4.      Gutinya gutereranwa cyangwa kubuzwa umudendezo. Umuntu ashobora gutinya ko uwo bazarushingana azamuta, cyangwa akumva ko gushaka bizatuma atakaza umudendezo n’ubwisanzure yari afite.

5.      Kugorwa no kuganira ku hazaza h’umubano. Kugira ubwoba bwinshi iyo uwo mukundana atangiye kukuganiriza ku nsanganyamatsiko yo kubana.

6.      Kwitandukanya n’amarangamutima. Umuntu ashobora kwirinda kugaragaza urukundo no gushyira umutima we mu mubano, kubera gutinya ko azongera kubabazwa.

7.      Guhorana ubwoba bwinshi. Kumva ko hari igihe azatungurwa akisanga mu rukundo rukomeye (serious).

8.      Ibimenyetso ku mubiri. Iyo uganiriye ku bijyanye no gushaka cyangwa kwiyemeza kujya mu mubano w’igihe kirekire, ushobora kugira umutima utera vuba birenze igipimo gisanzwe, kubira ibyuya umubiri wose, gutitira, cyangwa ibindi bimenyetso by’umubiri bifitanye isano n’ubwoba.

Ni bande bashobora kugira ibyago bihanitse byo kurwara Gamophobia?

Nk’uko bisobanurwa na Cleveland Clinic¹, abantu bafite indwara zimwe na zimwe zifitanye isano n’imiterere y’imitekerereze n’imyitwarire, urugero nka borderline personality disorder, bashobora kwirinda kujya mu rukundo,kubera gutinya cyane gutereranwa cyangwa kwangwa. Ibi bishobora kujyana n’ingorane zo kwizera abandi no kubaka umubano uhamye.

Uretse ibyo, hari n’ibindi bintu bishobora gutuma umuntu agira ibyago byinshi byo kugira ubwoba bukabije cyangwa indwara zifitanye isano n’ubwoba. Muri byo harimo:

●       Amateka y’umuryango. Gukurira mu muryango urimo umuntu ufite indwara zifitanye isano n’ubwoba cyangwa impungenge zikabije bishobora kongera ibyago byo kugira ibibazo nk’ibyo.

●       Igitsina. Ubushakashatsi bwerekana ko abagore bashobora kugira indwara zimwe na zimwe z’ubwoba bukabije kurusha abagabo.

●       Imiterere y’uturemangingo ndangasano (*genetics*). Ubushakashatsi bw’ibanze bugaragaza ko hari imiterere imwe n’imwe y’uturemangingo ndangasano ishobora gutuma umuntu arushaho kugira ibyago byo guhura n’indwara zifitanye isano n’ubwoba cyangwa impungenge.

Ingaruka z’ibikomere byo mu bwana no gutakaza icyizere

Ubushakashatsi twakoze bwagaragaje ko ibyo umuntu anyuramo akiri umwana bishobora kugira uruhare rukomeye mu buryo azakura abona urushako. Umwana wakuriye mu muryango waranzwemo amakimbirane, ihohoterwa, gutandukana kw’ababyeyi cyangwa umubano utameze neza hagati y’ababyeyi ashobora gukura afite imyumvire itari myiza ku rushako. Hanyuma rero, ibyo abona mu muryango ashobora kubifata nk’ishusho y’uko urugo rusanzwe ruba rumeze.

Umuntu ashobora gukura yibwira ko gushaka bivuze guhora mu makimbirane, kubabazwa, guhemukirwa cyangwa gutereranwa. Iyo myumvire ishobora gukomera kurushaho igihe ahuye n’ibindi bibazo mu mibanire ye bwite.

Umwe mu bitabiriye ubushakashatsi bwacu, twahaye izina ry’irihimbano rya Umugwaneza Tracy kugira ngo turinde imyirondoro ye, ni umukobwa ukiri muto uri hagati y’imyaka 20 na 25. Yatubwiye inkuru ibabaje y’ubuzima bwe. Ibyo yanyuzemo bigaragaza uburyo ibikomere byo mu bwana, byiyongereyeho kubabazwa n’urukundo mu gihe cy’ubukure, bishobora gutuma umuntu agira ubwoba bwo kurushinga.

Yagize ati:

Inkuru ya Tracy ni inkuru y’abenshi.

Ibyo ubundi bushakashatsi bugaragaza

Raporo yasohowe mu kinyamakuru The Financial Express², ifite umutwe ugira uti «Gamophobia and the Trust Issues of Our Generation» (Gamophobia n’ikibazo cy’igabanuka ry’icyizere mu cyiragano cyacu), igaragaza impamvu zitandukanye zitera ubwoba bwo kurushinga. Ibyo iyi raporo igaragaza bihura n’ibyavuye mu bushakashatsi bwakozwe na Raja Shahrukh Ullah Khan³, bwasuzumye ubwoba bwo kurushinga mu rubyiruko rwo muri Pakisitani. Ubwo bushakashatsi bwombi bugaragaza zimwe mu mpamvu zikunze gutuma urubyiruko rugira ubwoba bwo kwiyemeza kurushinga.

Muri izo mpamvu harimo:

●       Kubona ababyeyi batandukana. Gukurira mu muryango urangwamo amakimbirane ahoraho cyangwa gutandukana kw’ababyeyi bishobora gutuma umwana akura atizera ko umubano w’abantu bashakanye ushobora kuramba.

●       Ibikomere umuntu yakuye mu mibanire ya kera. Kuba umuntu yarigeze kubabazwa mu rukundo, gucibwa inyuma cyangwa guhemukirwa bishobora gutuma atinya kongera guhura n’ubwo bubabare.

●       Gutinya gutakaza ubwigenge. Hari urubyiruko rutinya ko kurushinga bizatuma rutakaza umudendezo, amahirwe yo kwiteza imbere, kwiga, gukurikirana umwuga warwo cyangwa gukora ibindi bikorwa rwifuza.

●       Ibibazo by’ubukungu. Kubura ubushobozi buhagije bwo kwibeshaho, kubona akazi, kubona aho gutura no kubona ibikenerwa mu rugo bishobora gutuma urubyiruko rwumva rutiteguye kurushinga.

●       Ingaruka z’imbuga nkoranyambaga. Guhora umuntu areba inkuru z’ibyamamare bitandukana, amakimbirane agaragara mu miryango y’abandi n’inkuru z’imibanire isenyuka bishobora kugira ingaruka ku buryo abona urushako n’ukwiyemeza kurubaka.

Iyi raporo inavuga inkuru y’umunyeshuri wenda gusoza amasomo ya kaminuza witwa Shareen Huq, wasobanuye ko kuba yarakomeje kubona abantu bamwegereye bahemukirana mu rukundo byatumye agira ubwoba bukomeye bwo kurushinga. Yavuze ko atinya ko n’aramuka yubatse umuryango we bwite, uwo bazabana ashobora kuzamuca inyuma umunsi umwe. Kuri ubu, yumva arushaho kugira amahoro iyo arinze ubwigenge bwe aho kwihutira gushaka.

Ni iki cyakorwa mu gufasha umuntu ufite Gamophobia?

Guhora umuntu yirukana abamukunda, kwirinda imibanire, cyangwa guhunga buri gihe ikintu cyose gishobora kumuganisha ku kwiyemeza kurushinga bishobora kugira ingaruka ku buzima bwe bwo mu mutwe no ku mibanire ye n’abandi. Ni yo mpamvu Gamophobia idakwiye gufatwa nk’akantu gato. Iyo ubwoba bukabije kandi bukabangamira ubuzima bw’umuntu, buba bukwiye kwitabwaho.

Mu byagaragaye mu bushakashatsi bwacu, gusenga ni kimwe mu bintu bamwe mu bitabiriye ubushakashatsi bagaragaje ko bibafasha. Bavuze ko basenga ubudahwema, basaba Imana kubafasha gukira ibikomere byo mu mutima, kubohoka ku ngaruka z’ububabare banyuzemo no kongera kugira icyizere mu rukundo no mu rushako. By’umwihariko, abahuye n’ibikomere byo mu bwana bagaragaje ko badahwema gusaba Imana ngo ibafashe gukira ibyo bikomere.

Uretse gusenga, guhindura imyumvire ku rushako na byo ni ingenzi. Umuntu ushaka gutsinda ubwoba bwo kurushinga akwiriye kwirinda guhora atekereza gusa ku miryango yasenyutse cyangwa ku bantu bamubabaje. Ahubwo ashobora no kwiga ku miryango ibanye neza, ku bantu bubatse ingo zirambye no ku bashakanye bakomeza kubahana, gukundana no gufashanya nubwo bahura n’ibibazo bitandukanye.

Urubyiruko rwacitse intege rugomba kwibutswa ko inkuru zose z’urukundo atari ko zirangira mu bubabare cyangwa gutandukana. Hari ingo zibanye neza kandi zirangwa n’urukundo, icyizere, kubahana no gufatanya. Ni ngombwa kandi kugabanya ibyifuzo bidahwitse ku buzima busanzwe, cyane cyane ibishingiye ku mashusho y’imyidagaduro.

Uretse ibyo ariko, iyo umuntu akomeje kugira ibimenyetso bikabije, ningombwa gushaka impuguke z’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe zikamufasha,

 Nk’uko Cleveland Clinic¹ ibisobanura, ubuvuzi bushingiye ku guhindura imitekerereze n’imyitwarire (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, CBT) ni bumwe mu buryo bukoreshwa mu gufasha abantu bafite ubwoba bwo gushaka. Ubu buvuzi bufasha umuntu gusuzuma ibitekerezo bituma agira ubwoba, kumenya ibitekerezo bidafite ishingiro no kubisimbuza ibifite ishingiro kandi bishyira ibintu mu buryo nyakuri. Bunamufasha kunoza uburyo avugana n’abo mu muryango we cyangwa uwo bakundana ku byerekeye ubwoba afite.

Hari n’ubundi buryo buzwi nka systematic desensitisation, bukubiye mu gufasha umuntu kumenyera buhoro buhoro ibintu bimutera ubwoba. Ni uburyo bwo kuvura bushingiye ku guhangana n’ikintu umuntu atinya intambwe ku yindi, abifashijwemo n’inzobere. Bushobora kubanza kumwigisha uburyo bwo kwiruhura no kugabanya impungenge, nko guhumeka neza no gutuza, hanyuma akagenda ahura buhoro buhoro n’ibitekerezo cyangwa ibihe bifitanye isano no kujya mu rukundo. Ibi bimufasha kongera kwiyizera no kumva ko ashobora kubaka umubano w’igihe kirekire.

Ubushakashatsi bwashyizwe ahagaragara na Mpower Minds⁴ na bwo bugaragaza ko gutsinda Gamophobia bisaba uburyo bwagutse, bwita ku mpamvu zateye ubwo bwoba, bugafasha guhindura imyitwarire itari myiza no kubaka uburyo bwiza bwo guhangana n’ibibazo. Muri ubwo buryo harimo:

●       Ubuvuzi bushingiye ku guhindura imitekerereze n’imyitwarire (CBT). Bufasha umuntu kumenya no guhindura ibitekerezo bibi bifitanye isano no kwiyemeza no kurushinga.

●       Ubuvuzi bushingiye ku guhangana n’ikintu gitera ubwoba (*Exposure Therapy*). Bufasha umuntu kwegera buhoro buhoro ibintu cyangwa ibitekerezo atinya, abifashijwemo n’inzobere mu buvuzi bwo mu mutwe.

●       Kumenyereza ubwenge gutuza no kuruhura umubiri (*Mindfulness and Relaxation*). Ibi bifasha umuntu kugabanya impungenge, kumenya no kwakira amarangamutima ye, no kongera ubushobozi bwo guhangana n’ibimugerageza.

●       Kugisha inama no guhabwa ubufasha (*Counselling*). Kugirana ibiganiro n’inzobere mu buzima bwo mu mutwe bishobora gufasha umuntu gusobanukirwa n’inkomoko y’ubwoba bwe, kuvuga ibimuri ku mutima no kubona ubufasha bukwiye.

●       Uburyo umuntu yakwifashisha ku giti cye (*Self-help Strategies*). Harimo kwandika ibitekerezo n’amarangamutima ye, gusoma inyandiko zimufasha gusobanukirwa n’ikibazo afite, no kuganira n’abandi banyuze mu bihe bisa n’ibyo ari kunyuramo.

Umusozo

Gamophobia ni kimwe mu bibazo bihangayikishije kandi ntabwo ari ikintu gisanzwe. Ni kimwe mu bibazo bikwiye kwitabwaho mu gihe tuganira ku mbogamizi urubyiruko ruhura na zo mu bijyanye n’urukundo no kurushinga. Gusobanukirwa ko ubu bwoba bushobora kubaho, no kumenya zimwe mu mpamvu zabutera, ni intambwe ya mbere mu gufasha ababufite.

Nk’uko twabibonye, ubwoba bwo kurushinga bushobora guterwa n’ibintu bitandukanye, birimo gukurira mu muryango urangwamo amakimbirane, guhura n’ibikomere byo mu bwana, guhemukirwa mu rukundo, kugira ibyifuzo birenze bidashingiye ku buzima busanzwe, ndetse n’ingaruka z’imico imwe n’imwe igenda igaragara muri sosiyete ya none.

Nubwo Gamophobia ishobora kugira ingaruka ku mitekerereze, ku marangamutima no ku mibanire y’umuntu n’abandi, si iherezo ry’ubuzima bwe, kandi ntibivuze ko atazigera agira umuryango. Kuyitsinda bishobora gutangirira ku gusobanukirwa n’inkomoko y’ubwoba, gukira ibikomere byo mu mutima, guhindura imyumvire itari yo no kongera kubaka icyizere. Gusenga, kugira abantu b’inyangamugayo umuntu aganira na bo no gushaka ubufasha bw’inzobere igihe bikenewe bishobora kugira uruhare rukomeye muri urwo rugendo.

Urushako ntirukwiye gushingira ku bwoba, ku gahato cyangwa ku mashusho meza gusa tubona mu bitangazamakuru. Ni icyemezo gikomeye gisaba gukura mu mitekerereze, kwitegura, kwiyemeza no kubaka umubano ushingiye ku rukundo, icyizere, kubahana no gufatanya.

UMWANDITSI: Moise IRADUKUNDA, umunyeshuri kuri kaminuza y’abaprotestanti Mu Rwanda.

IBYIFASHISHIJWE

¹ Cleveland Clinic. «Gamophobia (Fear of Commitment).» my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22570-gamophobia-fear-of-commitment

² The Financial Express. «Gamophobia and the Trust Issues of Our Generation. » 30 Ugushyingo 2025. thefinancialexpress.com.bd/others/gamophobia-and-the-trust-issues-of-our-generation

³ Raja Shahrukh Ullah Khan. «Navigating Gamophobia: A Qualitative Exploration of Fear of Marriage Among Pakistani Young Adults. » University of Management and Technology. researchgate.net/publication/404446963

⁴ Mpower Minds. «Liberating Yourself from the Fear of Commitment. » mpowerminds.com